


Emotions are a tricky thing

by magnusbanesnudes



Category: Buzzfeed: Worth It (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Cute hugs, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, like literally the most minor injuries, steven is a fucking crybaby fight me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-06
Updated: 2018-07-06
Packaged: 2019-06-06 04:30:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15186818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magnusbanesnudes/pseuds/magnusbanesnudes
Summary: Steven had been very emotional kid. He always cried when watching Disney movies, he cried when his first fish died, and he had been a mess when his dog ran away when he was ten. He had always just been an emotional child.Andrew, on the other hand, has always had a very tight grip on his emotions. He could count on one hand how many times he has cried around other people. He often hid his most shining smile from most people. Andrew wasn’t big on displaying how he was feeling to other people, rather leaving it up to each individuals interpretation.People like Steven confused Andrew. How could somebody wear their heart on their sleeve so easily without fear of it being crushed?





	Emotions are a tricky thing

**Author's Note:**

> heheihfehieh ya know?  
> also im sorry for any typos im just very gay

Steven had been very emotional kid. He always cried when watching Disney movies, he cried when his first fish died, and he had been a mess when his dog ran away when he was ten. He had always just been an emotional child. 

Andrew, on the other hand, has always had a very tight grip on his emotions. He could count on one hand how many times he has cried around other people. He often hid his most shining smile from most people. Andrew wasn’t big on displaying how he was feeling to other people, rather leaving it up to each individuals interpretation. 

People like Steven confused Andrew. How could somebody wear their heart on their sleeve so easily without fear of it being crushed? 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The first time it happened, Andrew genuinely thought he was going to be fired. Nobody makes Steven cry without management having very strong words with the offending party. Andrew hadn’t been with Buzzfeed for very long either, so he wasn’t sure what people thought of him yet. Would they even miss him if he was fired? And, if he was being more real with himself, would they even notice? 

More important than his job, however, was the armful of crying Steven that he had found himself currently holding. Andrew had been taken back when he felt Steven’s breath hitch as he was hugged. Maybe Andrew had hugged him too tight? But if that was the case, why wouldn’t Steven just push him off? The feeling of tears soaking through his thin t shirt was what brought Andrew back into the moment. 

Steven wasn’t pulling away, only hugging Andrew even tighter. And wasn’t that just the weirdest fucking thing he had ever dealt with at Buzzfeed? Not knowing how to help Steven at the time, he did the only thing that made some sort of sense in his very, very confused mind. He hugged Steven even tighter to his chest. 

He could almost swear he heard Steven whisper his name as he held him closer. 

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The second time it happened was still a shock to Andrew. 

They had been filming an episode a few hours away from either of their places when the weather forecast had changed. Expecting decent weather throughout the week, Steven hadn’t brought a jacket with him. Andrew had been feeling a little chilly all day, so luckily he had worn a sweatshirt that was a little baggier on him than he would prefer, but that’s what happens when he never washed his clothes. 

They had been walking down the street, making light jokes and bumping shoulders when they felt the first drops of the warm evening rain. It came slowly, like a blanket being tucked around a newborn baby. Warm and inviting. They figured they could walk the rest of the way back to the car while remaining fairly dry, and this plan seemed to work. 

Until the sky broke open with a loud crack of thunder, sending the rain down in a heavy burst. The street they were on offered no shelter, as most of the buildings were offices, and thus had no need to build canopies outside. 

Steven had grabbed Andrew’s arm and pulled him into a side alley before he could even begin to feel the rain seeping through his shoes. The rain suddenly stopped, and Andrew looked up only to see pitch black, meaning there was probably a cover of some sort from the nearly touching tops of the two buildings they were standing between. The alley was dark and cold, so very unlike Steven himself. Steven radiated sunshine and warm spring air, and it seemed close to a crime to have him in dimly lit alley that smelled of old beer and rotting wood. 

Andrew had drawn his attention away from the top of the alley onto the man standing beside him. Although Steven was taller than Andrew himself, he couldn’t help but feel larger than Steven in that moment. Steven had been slightly hunched over, shivering with the cold of the rain and the lack of warmth from the less than ideal light coming through the small gap above them. 

Having quickly assessed himself, Andrew realized that Steven had gotten absolutely drenched during their short time in the rain. Steven had looked like a puppy that had been kicked out onto the street, shivering and pushing himself against the wall for some sort of warmth, knowing that none would be given from the mossy brick behind him.

Andrew, having been raised like a decent human being, valued Stevens comfort over his own. Besides, he had been mostly dry anyway, except for the slight dampness of his shoes that had been slowly crawling its way into his socks. So, as a logical person, Andrew had done the logical thing. 

He had taken his sweatshirt off before Steven had even noticed. When Andrew held the garment out to Steven, the look on his face had almost caused Andrew to drop the oversized hoodie onto the dirty ground below them. At first it had seemed that Andrew might have offended Steven by offering his own clothing to provide some warmth.

A heartbeat later, Stevens cold fingers had taken the hoodie from Andrew’s outstretched hand and brought the material close to his body. Andrew had seen his form shake with tears before, and had been surprised to see the familiar signs of Steven crying once again. 

He hadn’t even been thinking at the time, but looking back, Andrew would have done the exact same thing over and over again. He hadn’t even taken a second to pause before he had grabbed Steven and held him tightly against himself. Andrew is pretty sure he had murmurd something about body heat in the moment, but he’s also pretty sure that they both knew that was bullshit. 

Andrew didn’t see that particular sweatshirt for a few weeks after that. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The third time Steven cried on him, Andrew was ready. 

Andrew didn’t have anxiety. He never suffered through panic attacks in high school, never stuttered through public speeches in college, and never once felt embarrassed by just walking into a room full of new people. Andrew knew that Steven, however, suffered with severe anxiety.  
He knew that Steven liked to keep his anxiety a secret from the rest of the office. He was more of a ‘show your best side always’ kinda guy, which Andrew completely understood. 

So, when he walked into a management thrown party, Andrew had kind of expected Steven to be sitting quietly in a corner, keeping to himself while maybe enjoying a free drink or two. What he wasn’t expecting was to have his arms full of one Steven Lim the second he stepped into the crowded office space. 

Steven had clearly been drinking, if the blush on his cheeks had been anything to go by. He didn’t look like drunk Steven though. No, drunk Steven was happy, with a bright smile that could light up the darkest room, not to mention rosy cheeks that could put a newborn baby to shame. The Steven that had been in his arms that night had still had rosy cheeks, cute as ever, but the smile was nowhere to be seen. A frown had taken residence on his face instead, his eyes had been filled with unshed tears and his mouth was moving but the words wouldn’t come out. 

Not even taking a moment to ask questions, Andrew had taken Stevens hand into his own and walked them directly out of the office, into a quiet corridor where they wouldn’t be bothered by any party goers. Steven didn’t have to say anything to get the message across. Andrew could read his body language like an expert, and right now Steven’s body was screaming “I’m uncomfortable and would like to be 499 miles away from this place, please and thank you” 

The ride back to Stevens place could have been five minutes, and honestly it could have been twenty five minutes, Andrew couldn’t remember. He couldn’t remember if he had turned left or right when leaving the building. He couldn’t remember if he had turned the radio on or if Steven had. Andrew couldn’t remember what time he had arrived at the party to find Steven a complete mess of overworked emotions and cheap liquor, but he did remember the look on Stevens face as he parked outside his apartment building. He remembered how Steven had gripped his arm the whole elevator ride up to the 8th floor. Andrew remembered how Steven had silently passed him his keys, knowing that he was too shaky himself to open his door. 

Of all the things that Andrew remembered about that night, his favorite memory was of saying goodbye to Steven, the hug they shared that night settling deep into his bones and giving him warmth for days afterwards. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The forth time Steven cried on him had taken both of them by surprise. 

Walking across a busy intersection in L.A was always scary. Traffic never obeyed the laws set in place for pedestrians, and pedestrians were always looking for ways to annoy and hold up traffic. In any city, however, when the little guy on the box is walking, you walk too. 

Andrew had been walking a step behind Steven, as Steven was directing them to their next Worth It spot of the day. They had still had twenty seconds left to cross the street when Andrew had heard a collective gasp of the citizens behind him, looking up just in time to catch sight of a light blue Prius making its way extremely fast towards the crosswalk. Not only towards the crosswalk, but straight into Steven and Andrew’s current area as well. 

Looking back, Andrew can’t remember how he had reacted so fast. It was a blur of white crosswalk lines, Stevens pink t shirt, and grey asphalt. He hadn’t known if he had pulled Steven out of the way yet, but he had known that he probably needed to go to the hospital, if the pain in his leg was anything to go by. 

Andrew had allowed himself to simply lay on the road for a second, trying to regain his mobility completely. At the time, he couldn’t tell whose hand had been rubbing gentle circles on his arm. When he had finally opened his eyes with the thought of ‘oh fuck, I didn’t die’, he was greeted with Stevens watery eyes staring back down into his. 

He had allowed Steven to pull him into a sitting hug at the time. Even though the sun had been beating down on them, even though they had been sitting in the middle of a very busy road and in a bit of pain, at least on Andrew’s end, that hug had stuck with him. Maybe it was the tightness of the hug, or the way that Steven had tucked his head into Andrew’s neck and had placed the gentlest of kisses there. Either way, that hug remained his favorite. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The fifth time it happens, Andrew nearly fell out of his chair. 

Andrew had been drinking alone, which was never a good idea. When people drink alone, they think too much. When Andrew drank alone, he wants. Wants more of whatever he’s drinking, wants more music, more volume, more feeling. Andrew wants so much, but mostly he just wants Steven. 

No matter how much Andrew drank, he had still known that calling Steven at 2:55 am, drunk, loud, and somewhat lonely would have been a bad idea. Absolutely horrific. So he had done the only logical thing that someone can do at 2:55 am while drunk on cheap wine. He wrote his feelings down onto a piece of paper with the full intention to throw it away in the morning. 

This had left sober Andrew two choices the next morning. The obvious choice was to just throw the paper away and forget it ever existed. On the other hand, Andrew wasn’t a little bitch. So he had to at least consider the other option. Give the paper to Steven. 

Andrew might have still been a little drunk after all, because before he knew it he was standing beside Steven’s desk at 9 am, the letter with all of his feelings and uncontrollable emotions held tightly in his hand. 

It had taken Steven a good minute to realize that Andrew was standing slightly behind him, but when he caught Andrew’s eye, he let one of his shining smiles crawl its way onto his face. A smile that, even with Andrew’s racing heartbeat, still made his lips curl upwards for a brief moment. 

Steven had already looked down at what Andrew was holding, and had sent him a confused, but still friendly smile. 

Andrew had felt the most awkward he had ever felt in his entire life in that single moment. He had wanted to get to his own desk as soon as he could, pretend this never happened. He had given Steven a slight head nod and promptly turned around, walked back to his own desk, and slammed his head onto the table four times for good measure. 

Andrew had still had the crumpled and slightly smudged letter in his hand. He had thought about just throwing it away again, but he figured that if it had made it to work with him, maybe it was a sign that he was supposed to give it to Steven. He simply couldn’t find the strength to stand back up and walk back over to Steven though, so he had sat in his office chair, moping like a recently divorced man until lunch. 

It had been a little after noon that the idea came to the front of Andrew’s mind. Andrew hadn’t made a paper plane since middle school, and to be very fucking honest, he hadn’t been sure he even remembered how to make one in the first place. After he had absolutely not looked up how to make a paper plane, he had very carefully folded up all of his feelings with the literal intent to throw them away from himself. If the plane landed near Steven’s shoes, Andrew couldn’t have been blamed for it. After all, he didn’t control the air in the office. 

Steven had only shot him a questioning glance, and bent over slightly in his own chair to carefully pick up the plane that had flown by his head moments before. Confusion had still been Steven’s best friend at this point. Nausea had been Andrew’s. 

Andrew couldn’t even look at Steven as he had opened up the plane like a carefully wrapped gift. He had made sure to keep his headphones off, but had kept his eyes trained solely on the screen in front of him, not even registering what he had been looking at at the time. 

Andrew honestly had no idea how much time had passed between him throwing the paper plane and hearing Steven’s breath hitch across the table from him. Andrew had turned his head so quickly to face Steven that he had been momentarily concerned for his own safety. In all truth, the majority of his concern for himself had completely flown out the window when he had seen the look on Steven’s face. 

Andrew’s mind had immediately gone into panic mode, little error messages of ‘ifuckedup ifuckedup ifuckedup’ had taken over his vision. The only thing Andrew had been able to do was calm himself down enough to revert back to banging his head on the table, though with much more force. 

Andrew figured that if he had to die someday, he had better not go out in a lame way. He had accepted his fate of dying in that very moment from embarrassment alone. What he hadn’t considered until that point decided to smack him in the face. Literally. It had seemed that someone else in the office had also looked up how to make a shitty paper plane, as a new one had very recently landed on his desk, interrupting his self given concussion time. He had spared a glance at Steven, only getting a shy smile and slightly teary eyes in return. He had treated the new paper plane with as much care as Steven had treated the one flown from Andrew’s own hand. 

Steven was a simple man. He had only wrote four words on the inside of the plane flaps. 

“Dinner tonight at 8?” 

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

+1  
Andrew was never one to show his emotions easily. Always kept a guard up, cautious to let others know what he was thinking at any given time. It took some time to be fully comfortable around Steven. He had to give himself time to allow his feelings to come out of the boxes he had forced them into. 

Andrew had always had trouble showing emotions around new people. Strangely enough, he was having no trouble at all letting a few tears slip in this moment. Watching his husband hold their newborn baby in his arms for the first time was something he never knew he needed until he had it. Now he couldn’t imagine his life without this.

**Author's Note:**

> anyway come say hi to me on tumblr @ shyan-wheeze !  
> this was literally only made possible by @ chaoticgoodfemme because she kept me going and i love her so much <3  
> bitch.


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